last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
