oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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