she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
