she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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