Already got asked if we're dating
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have fence marks all over my body
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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