We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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