I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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