im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
