Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
