I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
