I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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