I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
