THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
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i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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