Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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