I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
