I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
