Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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