Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
