When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
