If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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