HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
