I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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