I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
