Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
