Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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