The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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