Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
