Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
