....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Randomize
