ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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