i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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