Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
