I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize