There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
