I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
