haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
