i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
