Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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