We won't sleep together?
Your tits are I can't wait for
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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