Screwed.edu
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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