found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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