i was born a porn star she said
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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