i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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