I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
