im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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