my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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