My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
