I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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