They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
