cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
