i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
