we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Holy shit dude........stairs
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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