i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
