I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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