Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize