What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
