I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
