You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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