i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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