Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
