Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
