I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
