So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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